It’s time to crack the whip and get hard on
myself. I need to pull myself from this semi-denial I have been basking in
since my doctor’s appointment. I was told I’m pre-diabetic and while (like my
diabetic father pointed out) some people would argue there is no such thing, I firmly
believe there is. I know and understand a lot of people would pin point it down
to, you either are or you aren’t, but couldn’t it be considered “pre-diabetic”
if there are signs you could head that way if you don’t do something about it
now? Maybe it’s inevitable. Maybe one of my worse medical fears will come true
and someday I will be diagnosed with diabetes…but I would really like to take
the initiative and prevent that as much as I possibly can.
The days following my physical I have told
myself to continue what I’ve been doing. I eat in smaller portions then I used.
I am actively taking charge of my life and getting over some personal obstacles
to become the better-rounded accomplished person that I want to be. I tell
myself every day I should get on the exercise bike I have pretty much unlimited
free access to. I tell myself every single day to pop in one of those workout
DVDs I own and work up a sweat. I tell myself each and every single day that I should
maybe just go for a nice long walk. I sit here this morning and I force myself
to come to terms that, telling myself to do something and actually doing
something for myself are two very different things. I can tell myself to do
something until I’m blue in the face, but if I don’t take the actual steps to
do it what good does telling myself do me?
Perhaps the funny part of it is, is that I actually
do enjoy working out, when I actually get around to it that is. I always feel
this extra little burst of energy rush through me and I feel good about myself like
I accomplished something. Sure, I’m out of shape and I might feel a sense of
exhaustion over an actual physical workout, but over all I do always feel
really good afterwards. Knowing this, I question myself. Why on earth aren’t I working
out more? Why is it so much easier to put it off and do something else less
productive physically? I can self-conscious about working out in front of
others, I admit it. So it definitely makes a little sense to me why I don’t get
on the exercise bike I have the access to. I do however have enough space in my
bedroom to close the door to give myself privacy and work out in with a DVD. So
why don’t I do it? Or better yet, why don’t I start going for that walk every
day that I have wanted to start doing for what seems like ages now?
Maybe I’m just lazy? Maybe I really need to
have a good hard honest look at that factor. Or maybe I need to go with my gut
on this one and admit that I feel an odd sense of intimidation. I actually feel
nervous about beginning to work out more productively again, and I’m not entirely
sure why. It doesn’t help I have my left ankle that likes to act up on me and
in the past few days or so, the back of my right calf has been having some odd
pains throughout it. I feel these pains and find myself honestly going in two
thought processes. On the one hand I’m a baby when it comes to pain, so
naturally I want to put my legs up and relax. On the other hand I feel like
maybe if I at the very least start walking regularly it could help these odd
pains here and there. So I know it’s been said that the first step to getting
into a routine is the hardest, but I have been getting this gaining feeling of
determination to find that motivator to push myself to take those first steps.
Really it shouldn’t be so difficult and I can
see that it shouldn’t. I blame my actual intimation I feel over working out,
but I know I can’t hide behind it. I know one of the days, if I’m really serious
about getting myself on a better track so I don’t fall victim to diabetes or
other health issues for that matter, then I need to really stand up and take further
steps down the path of healthier living.
--XOXO, Jane
