Thursday, December 8, 2011

Blank Canvas

Have you ever taken a good hard look at yourself? I mean really give yourself a good hard honest examination? I have numerous times over the years or so I thought. Lately I’ve been taking the time to really examine myself, not just the things I want in life, but who I am as a person. Taking more notice to the things I like, things I feel, life around me and how I feel about myself generally. In the past I’ve been so easy to cut myself and focus only on the negative aspects. I thought that was what it meant to be honest with myself. Most recently, I have found myself able to actually compliment myself on some things and not just cut to the negative. I can see positive things about me now as well. For example, though I still crave cigarettes almost daily and have the occasional smoking dream – I’m proud of myself for quitting and going longer then a year and a half. It’s actually almost been two years with the anniversary in this coming February. I’m not proud to admit this, but I smoked off and on for ten years, more on then off, but regardless it was a struggle with an addiction that I didn’t like having. So in the past, I would cut myself down with terms like “weak” and “pathetic” for allowing something to sort of take over and get as bad as it did. Now though, as I sit back and take a good hard look at myself, I can honestly pat myself on the back, because quitting smoking has been one of the hardest self hurdles I’ve had to endure and I can definitely sympathize that it’s not easy to put the pack and lighter down.