Saturday, June 30, 2012

Better To Be Thankful Verses Miserable!

Oh my wow! I logged into my e-mail today (after just a couple days) and found I had over thirty e-mails to look at. Now granted, I probably usually get that in a couple times a day, but I usually check my e-mail numerous times throughout the day. I swear this sprained ankle has thrown me into a bit of an odd funk. This is not the depression sort that I had admitted to in a previous post. This is more of a personal frustration that I’m limited on my mobility at the moment. I think my big block when it comes to logging onto the blog, writing up a post and sharing my thoughts is that with my frustration comes the want to vent over it – and I just don’t want to make a blog post entirely about my ranting and raving, because I’m an overgrown baby with an air-splint on. LOL!

So instead of doing that, I’m going to share how thankful I am. I’m thankful, that the sprain is not as bad as the last time I had a sprained ankle. Last time it was over two years ago now and it was my right ankle. I had fallen down some steps and ended up on crutches for weeks! So yes, I am very thankful that my left ankle’s sprain is not as bad as the last time I had a sprain. I’m thankful that I can hobble around, even if I am supposed to (and for the most part do) keep it elevated. I’m thankful that the friends I have seen and gone out with are patient that I can’t move as fast as I normally can. I’m thankful to my mommy for sending me a “boo-boo box” filled with goodies! I’m thankful to my dad for reminding me not to push myself. I’m still thankful to my brother Tim for having brought me to the Urgent Care last Saturday, when I found out it was a sprain. I am thankful for the many blessings I have in my life that have absolutely nothing to do with my dang ankle!

Now I must say, going on about things I am thankful for is much better then ranting about the misery attached to having a sprain. At least now I can smile and know there is much to be thankful for. I also realize I really need to step up my blogging game better again and really get posting on here more often!

--XOXO, Jane

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Diagnoses Ankle

It started months ago, towards the end of fall – beginning of winter time frame. I went to bed just fine and woke up with an agonizing pain in my left ankle. All these months later I have remained in pain. Some days are worse than others. Back when I had my physical weeks ago, I ended up getting an X-Ray done for my left ankle after bringing the pain back to my doctor’s attention. At that point I was tested for arthritis and everything came back clear. The pain continued and seemed to have progressively gotten worse over the weeks since my appointment. The ankle even became more sensitive as time went on. The lightest brush of anything against my ankle is enough to make me want to cry out in pain. The swelling has been pretty bad as well, but it was the odd tightening feeling (with excruciating pain) in the back of my ankle late the other night that led me to calling my doctor’s office yesterday.

After describing the symptoms of my ankle to the nurse at my doc’s office, I was told to go into Urgent Care. The nurse said it sounded like it could possibly be a blood clot (those do run in my family), but I was pretty positive it wasn’t and as I had things to do yesterday, I procrastinated myself to going today. So this afternoon my older brother Tim was sweet enough to drive me over and sit with me while my ankle was examined. The doctor at Urgent Care examined me and I swear I nearly jumped off the exam table when she moved my ankle. I didn’t know, but it was very clear where exactly the pain was coming from. It really didn’t take too long for her to come to a conclusion of what’s wrong with me.

The diagnosis is that I have a sprained ankle. I learned it’s possible I twisted or sprained it somehow in my sleep the night prior to my waking up with sudden pain. Then all this time has passed and I’ve continued to do as I normally do with getting around. I also did start those mile walks that now have to come to a stop. Granted, with the heat wave I haven’t been out there risking my health on the long walks, but it’s time to take a pause from them even if the weather cools off for the next few weeks. As you can see in the picture I’m attaching to this post I have an air splint on over an ace-wrap. Pardon the slightly fuzzy legs; I didn’t have a chance to re-shave prior to going in today. Anyways, I was told to take it easy. No long walks, running or jumping – not that I really did the latter of those things, but still. I need to keep my ankle elevated and take it easy. It’s estimated to be healed in about 3 – 6 weeks, let’s hope it doesn’t take that long!

Really as much as I’m bummed that I have a sprained ankle, I am thankful to finally know why it’s been hurting like it has. It’s nothing like when I sprained my right ankle two years ago (though that was a different happening all together). I’m also pretty thankful I don’t have to use crutches and that I can walk some to get myself around as I need to.

--XOXO, Jane

Thursday, June 21, 2012

R.I.P. Alarm Clock

It’s almost tragic sometimes when a certain possession stops working. When it’s time to throw it out and let go of something that’s served you so well. I am of course talking about my TOZAj brand alarm clock. I’ve had my alarm clock since I was twelve or thirteen years old. I know I was in middle school and the factory sticker with a date on it reads ‘Oct 1996’. Many a school mornings it got me up. It got me up through my first real job and other times I needed to set the alarm. It’s survived many power outages, falls and a few moves over the years just hanging in there like a trooper working better than any other clock I’ve owned.

Just a few days ago, we had a small power outage in the area due to some storms. Fortunately the particular part of West Michigan I live usually doesn’t go too long under a power outage. However it was when the power came back on, I went to re-set my clock. In mid adjusting the hour on it, it just stopped working. It wouldn’t change any further. Although I could still change the minute portion of the clock, the button to press to change the hour did nothing. I even tried unplugging it for a while and plugging it back in. Sadly after roughly fifteen/sixteen years of ownership of the same alarm clock that has worked so brilliantly for me all this time, I have to get rid of it. Guess this means I need to put it in the budget for a new alarm clock and venture out to make such a purchase as soon as I can.

Maybe it’s strange to feel the slightest bit sentimental over an alarm clock. Quite frankly, I never thought I would. Despite all the times I went with a friend or family member to help them pick a new one out over the years, where I felt thankful mine still worked. However, now that I’m in this position of my clock no longer working right I find myself actually a little saddened. I can’t really complain though, after all this clock did last me quite a long time. Probably making it more than worth whatever it had cost when it was purchased in the first place. I know the clear design (so you can see the insides) is pretty dated as far as trends go, but I loved the clock. It was reliable, even if I did have tendency to turn off the alarm and snooze an extra few minutes more than actually getting right up.

--XOXO, Jane

Monday, June 18, 2012

Almost Funny

I went through a good portion of my life succumbed into a dark cloud of depression. Okay, maybe that’s a slightly melodramatic way of putting it, but it’s the best I can come up with at the moment to describe it. When you suffer from depression, you really do lose interest in things that you would normally find enjoyment in. All those commercials that state how “depression hurts”, well I can say from firsthand experience that yes, it actually does physically and mentally hurt. I also have suffered from a lot of anxiety issues. Let me assure you, panic attacks are absolutely no fun at all. It’s not at all easy for me to admit that I had and in ways, still have these problems. I’m on a…well; forgive my lack of a better less cliché expression – on a path of wellness now.

No that’s not what I find ‘almost funny’. What I find almost funny is that as I continue on this path, I am learning more about myself. Some things I like and some things I would like to work on to change for the better. I am really taking the time to get to know myself and really actually learn to care about my own well-being. I’m no longer the girl who wanted to just simply disappear into a dark hole of some sort. I’m a woman who is living and breathing. Who is realizing and appreciating the value of her life, including the opportunities that are currently being presented to her. I’m very thankful for the kind of love and support I have around me. I am thankful to now be in a position where I’ve stepped away from that ‘dark cloud’ and am learning to take life one day at a time.

For further clarification on what’s ‘almost funny’ to me in my personal experience here, is that while I re-discover things about myself it’s like I have these little “AHA” types of moments along the way. Like I can see it was the depression and anxiety holding me back from things I wanted to pursue and do. Furthermore it’s like I can just see the world around me a lot more clearly. Now I’m not perfectly cured or anything and I’m still finding I need a little push or nudge here and there. I’m really starting to live my life and learn how to do a lot more for myself that I just couldn’t before. It was like a road block was in my way for a lot of stuff and I just sort of sat back and let life pass me by. Now here I am with a smile on my face and taking life by the horns ready to live it!

Granted, it’s not all kittens and rainbows, sunshine and kisses. It’s not easy overcoming depression and anxiety. I’m lucky to be in a position that I am. I had a moment several months ago where I realized I couldn’t handle it on my own, I had a serious problem and needed help. It’s taken me awhile to believe this, but there really is no shame in seeking help. Sometimes we just can’t handle it ourselves and that’s okay. We’re only human after all. Fortunately for me I was able to find the help I needed. Help that I am so beyond words appreciative for. I’m still working through some things and I know it’ll take time. Sure I do have my frustrated moments where I wish I could just snap my fingers and be all okay now. Again though, I’m only human. I really am learning though. I really am learning to care of myself better, to laugh easier and to not allow myself to fall back into old patterns. I’m really learning to live life and it feels great.

--XOXO, Jane

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day!

“The only man a girl can depend on is her daddy.” – I’ve always loved that line from the movie Grease. Maybe that’s because I do have a special relationship with my father. Oh yes… I’m a daddy’s girl. Apparently from the beginning as the way I’ve been told it, when I was born I came out just screaming my little overgrown (I was a large baby – my poor mother!) head off. That is until they set in my daddy’s arms. Then I apparently nestled right down. He likes to tease and say I was sucking up to him from the beginning. I’ve always been fortunate though to have a close relationship with my dad. He’s a truly wonderful father and I truly appreciate all he has and does for me and my older brothers.

Speaking of my brothers, the two oldest (of the three) are daddies as well. I cannot even begin to express how proud I am of my two oldest brothers and their fathering abilities. I love being an Aunt and I’m so blessed to have between them, two of my nieces and four of my nephews. It baffles my auntie brain sometimes though when I see just how fast their children are growing up. I swear I feel like every time I turn around they are another year or two older. LOL! My oldest brother’s only daughter graduated high school this year. My other brother’s five are not too far behind to start that cycle. I am definitely a proud aunt and more than that, I am a very proud sister of my brothers.

Now in close, I do want to wish a very Happy Father’s Day to all of the wonderful daddies out there!

--XOXO, Jane